Hope As Defined by an Adult Child

By Robert Waldvogel

Hope, a desire with an expectation of fulfillment and the hinge upon which life's possibilities pivot, is often replaced with despair by adult children who endured unstable and sometimes dangerous alcoholic, dysfunctional, and abusive upbringings, leaving them, as the designation implies, developmentally arrested between the child and adult stages.

"Alcoholism is a thief," according to a testimonial in Al-Anon's "Hope for Today" text (Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., 2002, p. 12). "It robs us of our loved ones. It pickpockets job opportunities, close relationships, and physical safety. In my mother's case, it eventually stole her life. Alcoholism robbed my childhood of trust and safety. I grew up feeling like a counterfeit adult-well-adjusted on the outside, but lost and frightened on the inside."

Like those who contract the flu through exposure to it in a coworker or friend, even those who never allow the drip of the drink to pass the tongue are hardly immune to its effects.

"(The effects of the disease) can rob the joy each day holds," "Hope for Today" continues (ibid, p. 12). "Denial steals from me the ability to see my situation clearly and honestly. Stubborn self-reliance wipes out the guidance and comfort available from my Higher Power. Resentment erodes love and goodwill in my relationships with others. Obsessive worrying raids my willingness to accept and enjoy life as it is."

Hope follows help and that Higher Power may be the source of both. Especially for adult children, twelve-step programs in which members "share their experience, strength, and hope," serve as the threshold to the climb back toward Him, as inherently expressed by the second step, which states that "a power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity."

"The second step is about possibility, about hope," according to "Courage to Change," another Al-Anon text (Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., 1992, p. 156). "With this step we came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. We are asked to open our minds to the possibility that hope is available. Perhaps there is a source of assistance that can do for us what we have been unable to do for ourselves. We don't have to believe that it will happen, only that it could."

Hope is therefore that helping hand-that glimmer of light-that lifts a person from the quicksand of despair and paves the way to improvement in his life. It is that elusively definable, invisible force which touches his soul, jarring it from slumber, and pointing to the possibility of healing and the promise of more to come-of renewed strength and of a return to wholeness. It may not necessarily be a desire at this stage, but the hint that restored ability, confidence, and wherewithal will enable the person to pursue a better path often leads to the desires for more themselves.

Hope, coincident with gradual reconnection with the true self and others, slowly takes the person from his separated "outside, looking in" view to a "part of and partaking" one.

Like the increments on a thermometer, hope is decidedly higher than despair, and with it comes the emotional rise that offers the ever-enlarging window to possibility and happiness. Despair is darkness. Hope is light.

Whatever is lost, especially through a Higher Power, can be found, recovered, and restored.

From help comes hope. From hope comes healing. From healing comes possibility. From possibility comes fulfillment and happiness. And from a Higher Power comes all of them.

Hope, in the end, is the wrung in the ladder, which, when grasped, springboards the person to something even higher.

Article Sources:

"Courage to Change." Virginia Beach, Virginia: Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., 1992.

"Hope for Today." Virginia Beach, Virginia: Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., 2002.