Why Is an Adult Child Unable to Live in the Present?

By Robert Waldvogel

Many have philosophized that the past is over, that the future has not yet occurred, and that all anyone has is the present. But for an adult child, who sustained a shaming, dysfunctional, and even abusive upbringing, yet failed to understand, process, or recover from it, is that past really over for him? It not, how, then, can he fully live in the present?

Origin of his pathology is his inner child-or the very survival solution to the adverse circumstances he was forced to experience and which demonstrated that it was not safe to exist in the present.

Unaware at an early and even infantile age, and devoid of any tools to protect or defend himself, the child found himself in the care of one or more parents who themselves were the products of dysfunctional, unstable, and alcoholic upbringings. Wounded and insecure, yet unaware of their own adult child origins, they projected their negative, highly charged feelings, which were most likely laced with alcoholic toxins, onto their vulnerable offspring, seeking to relieve themselves of their own burdens and look outside of themselves to feel whole.

Needing his parents for shelter, sustenance, clothing, care, and emotional support to survive, the child attempted to stabilize them so that they could continue to fulfill their roles. Internalizing and burying the volatile, inadequate feelings transferred to him, he believed that, if he strove to be as good and as perfect as possible, that he would not be abandoned and ultimately loved.

Thus, he shifted the reason for its withhold from the parents, who were unable to offer it, to himself, believing that he was not worthy of receiving it. At this stage, he idealized his parents, regarding them as perfect, God-equivalent representatives.

Yet these conditions reek of instability and a lack of safety, leaving his only survival recourse as creation of the cocooned inner child, enabling him to spiritually escape within at a tender age when he was completely dependent upon his caregivers

"Because of (these circumstances), the child's vulnerable true self is wounded so often, that to protect (it) it defensively submerges itself deep within the subconscious part of its psyche," according to Dr. Charles L. Whitfield in "Co-Dependence: Healing the Human Condition" (Health Communications, Inc., 1991, p. 27). "The child goes into hiding."

The process hardly ends here, however. Whatever he is fed, particularly of the negative nature like criticism, he swallows, depositing it into his false self account, eventually filling it to overflowing capacity, eroding his self-esteem, and giving increasing power to his critical inner voice, which may play frequently, if not chronically, later in life when he becomes an adult.

"As children, we focused on the odd or neglectful nature of our parents' behavior," advises the "Adult Children of Alcoholics" textbook (World Service Organization, 2006, p. 7). "We mistakenly thought we caused their moods or attitudes or could do something to change circumstances. We did not realize that we were children and that adults were responsible for their own feelings and actions. Many of us thought we caused our parents' addictions... We took responsibility for (their) anger, rage, blame, or pittifulnesss... By living with a blaming or shaming parent, we developed a dependent, false self. Our false self constantly seeks outward affirmation, recognition, or praise, but we secretly believe we don't deserve it. Meanwhile, the inner child is drawn inward into hiding."

Ultimately, the adult child, who may be unaware that he experienced an intrinsically conflicted upbringing during which his true or authentic self naturally sought to evolve and grow, but was constantly attacked by his ego or false self so that it remained submerged, became developmentally arrested.

Pinned to his initial, inner child necessitated trauma, buried deeply within himself to escape further damage and seek safety, and suspended at an age that never crossed the child-adult line, he could not face more obstacles in his attempt-if not need-to live in the present.

While "time heals all" and "gone and forgotten" sayings are nice theories, the reality is that these shattering, life-changing dynamics, all having occurred at crucial developmental stages, ensure that the person remains shackled to his past, despite his efforts as an adult to function and move on in the present. Forced to rest his life on his shaky foundation, he is prone to frequent crumbling.

The ties that bind him to his past are numerous, including his unresolved childhood; the volatile emotions he was forced to suppress, but which may grip him now and in which he may become trapped, returning him to the vulnerable times when he did not have the resources to protect or defend himself the fire-feeding alcoholic toxins, which give them volcanic proportions, assuming lives of their own and reducing him to a beyond-control bystander; and the ever-mounting layers of them that gave them a complexity and power he cannot independently surmount without psychological intervention or recovery.

Retriggerings, which ignite this internal flame and only fuel its intensity, inadvertently and subconsciously occur, particularly if the person either still lives with his parental abuser or at the very least in the home-of-origin where his detriment took place, where, even years later, every corner may trip his circuit. They can also occur when he feels diminished or threatened by a later-in-life authority figure whose physical or behavioral characteristics "remind" him of or suggest his parent. The more he is retriggered, the narrower his focus becomes, until he may only be physically present, but emotionally mired in his past. Caught in the vortex of his childhood, he cannot see his way to adulthood.

Distrust and the perception of danger further eject an adult child from the present. There are several indicators, once understood, that can alert him to the fact that some person, place, or thing poses a risk or threat and that they serve to protect him from them.

The first of these is the re-gripping of the rewired brain-caused adult child survival traits, which can include the need to isolate and seek safety, the loss of identity, the hunger for approval and acceptance, the surge of fear and the perception of threat generated by angry or out-of-control others, the sudden throwback to the victim stance, the feeling of powerlessness, the need to people-please to mollify or disarm potential "enemies," the surge of adrenalin and stress hormones, the experience of the fight-or-flight mode, and the propensity to react, as if the person were once again a helpless child confronted with danger. That "reaction," to a great degree, returns the person to his past and creates the adult child syndrome.

The second indicator is the sheer re-experiencing of anxieties, fears, and post-traumatic stress disorders, and the erecting of defenses, when no logical or apparent reason can be found for them. In these cases, the person, in a retriggered, reactive mode, may be trying to protect himself in the present from something that happened to him in the past.

"I suspect that if I reclaimed all the minutes, hours, and days I've sacrificed to worrying and fear, I'd add years to my life," according to a testimonial in Al-Anon's "Courage to Change" (Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., 1992, p. 10). "When I succumb to worry, I open a Pandora's box of terrifying pictures, paranoid voices, and relentless self-criticism. The more attention I pay to this mental static, the more I lose my foothold in reality. Then nothing useful can be accomplished."

Without understanding and recovery, uprooting this condition is no easy task.

"Living one day at a time as an adult child of an alcoholic can seem insurmountable when faced with the myriad of feelings and memories that surface during recovery," advises "Hope for Today" (Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., 2002, p. 27.) "... How do I stay in the present when faced with horrifying memories of the past? Sometimes I pray one moment at a time, calling on my Higher Power's help through the Serenity Prayer. Other times I talk it out, yell it out, or cry it out to God or to a trusted friend. Sometimes I listen at meetings or read my literature. Yet other times I write it out, walk it out, or do something else safe and comforting."

The ultimate indication of present-time danger and the need to escape it is a person's need to numb out, dissociate, and retreat back into his inner child sanctuary. The regenerated emotions in this case are so volatile, that he is unable to endure the body's physiological response if he allowed himself to feel them.

Whatever a person fails to resolve in his past, he can re-experience and act out in the present, draining him of his positive energy and distorting his "now."

"There can be great value in examining the past," according to "Courage to Change" (op. cit., p. 99). "It can offer information about the present, as well as clues that might help you change for a better future. For those of us who denied, distorted, or lost touch with painful memories, facing the reality of our past can be a critical part of our... recovery."

Because of its power to damage and derail childhood development, stepping out of the past and into the present requires the understanding, processing, and resolving of it and, through the regain of safety and trust, the ability to connect with others and a Higher Power.

"Facing the past as it may surface in my life today doesn't mean I have to stay stuck in it," concludes "Hope for Today" (op. cit., p. 27). "I can let the healing power of (my twelve-step) program help me feel old, buried emotions and the then put them where they belong-in the past. Coming to terms with my history and letting go of it does not deny what happened. Instead, it allows me to enjoy today and to move into the future, unencumbered by the weight of ancient emotions."

Living in the past is like watching the reruns of an old movie, while living in the present is the equivalent of filming a new one.

Article Sources:

"Adult Children of Alcoholics." Torrance, California: Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization, 2006.

"Courage to Change." Virginia Beach, Virginia: Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., 1992.

"Hope for Today." Virginia Beach, Virginia: Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., 2002.

Whitfield, Charles L., M.D. "Co-Dependence: Healing the Human Condition." Deerfield Beach, Florida: Health Communications, Inc., 1991.

Globular Clusters Reveal The Primeval Universe's Secrets

By Judith E Braffman-Miller

Our large spiral Milky Way Galaxy blazes with the fires of 200 billion stars, and when it is observed high above us in the sky on a clear, dark night, it is a magnificent sight--extending like a celestial smile from horizon to horizon. Before our Galaxy existed, the Universe was filled with mostly hydrogen gas, as well as smaller amounts of helium, and this gas was destined to evolve into myriad stars, their entourage of orbiting planets, moons, as well as conscious life-forms on Earth--and probably elsewhere. Globular clusters are spherical collections of stars that orbit a galaxy's core as satellites, and are bound to their host galaxies by gravity. The globular clusters that perform a dazzling dance around our own Milky Way are almost as old as the Universe itself. In April 2018, a team of astronomers announced that their supercomputer simulations indicate that these very ancient clusters were born as a result of the same mechanisms that created our Galaxy's first stars, which makes them natural relics of primordial star formation in the ancient Universe.

The supercomputer simulations were created by a team of astronomers led by Dr. Joel Pfeffer of Liverpool John Moores University (United Kingdom) and Dr. Diederik Kruijssen of Heidelberg University (Germany). According to the scientists, "this approach elegantly solves one of the greatest mysteries in astronomy."

Globular clusters are very tightly bound by gravity, which provides them with a spherical shape, as well as relatively high stellar densities toward their centers. The name of this type of star cluster is derived from the Latin globulus--meaning a small sphere. A globular cluster is sometimes referred to more casually as simply a globular.

Globulars are usually found in a galaxy's halo, and they host considerably more stars and are much older than less dense open stellar clusters, which inhabit the disk of a galaxy. Globulars are very common, and there are approximately 150 to 158 currently known to circle our Milky Way. However, it is thought that there may be as many as 10 to 20 more that have not yet been discovered. Our Galaxy's globulars circle it at radii of about 130,000 light years--or more. The larger the galaxy, the more globulars it possesses. For example, the Andromeda galaxy--a large spiral like our Milky Way--may have as many as 500 of these star clusters. In dramatic contrast. some giant elliptical galaxies may have as many as 13,000 globulars.

Indeed, every galaxy sporting sufficient mass inhabiting the Local Group of galaxies--of which our Milky Way is a member--has an associated retinue of globulars. In fact, almost every large galaxy so far studied by astronomers is orbited by a system of these spherical objects. The Sagittarius Dwarf galaxy and the controversial Canis Major dwarf galaxy, which are both satellites of our Milky Way, seem to be in the process of contributing their constituent globular clusters to our Galaxy. This provides an important clue about how many globular clusters may have been snatched up from other galaxies by our Milky Way in the past.

Even though globular clusters are believed to be populated by the first generation of stars to be born in the Universe, their origins, as well as their role in galactic evolution, are not well understood. However, it does appear that globulars are different from dwarf elliptical galaxies, and that they formed as part of the star formation process going on within their parent galaxy, rather than as separate galaxies in their own right.

Galaxies And Globulars

Our Milky Way Galaxy is only one of billions of other galaxies in the visible Universe. As our home galaxy, it has been studied extensively by astronomers, and currently scientists have a firm understanding of its nature. Long before our Star, the Sun, and its family of planets, moons, and smaller objects came to be, our Milky Way Galaxy existed. The ancient Universe was brimming with gas, and this gas (mainly hydrogen and helium) eventually evolved into stars and their surrounding solar systems. But before solar systems, such as our own, could form, galaxies had to exist.

Many astronomers think that our Milky Way was born within a giant, fairly spherical cloud of cold gas, rotating slowly and majestically in space. At some point, the frigid, giant cloud of gas started to collapse in on itself (condense), in much the same way that the clouds that gave birth to individual stars also collapsed. At first, some stars may have been born as the cloud of gas started to fragment around its edges--with each individual fragment collapsing further to form a baby star or group of stars. Because the cloud was spherical at that time, astronomers have observed some very elderly stars scattered in a spherical halo around the outside of our Galaxy today. The first stars born in the primordial Universe were made up of only the hydrogen and helium gas that composed their natal cloud.

The star-birthing cloud continued to collapse more and more, and more and more stars were born as it did so. Because the cloud was rotating, the spherical shape eventually flattened out into a disk--and the baby stars that had been born at this ancient time began to heavily populate this disk region. As the birth of new baby stars continued, some of the older stars had enough time to approach the end of that long stellar road and end their hydrogen-burning lives on the Hertzsprung-Russell Diagram of Stellar Evolution. When stars have finished burning their necessary supply of hydrogen fuel, they are doomed to "die". The process of nuclear-fusion keeps a star active and youthful, as it fuses its lighter atomic elements into heavier things--such as carbon, oxygen, neon, nickel and iron. Once a massive star contains a core of iron--that's it! The unfortunate massive star explodes in the fiery fury of a supernova blast. In the process, these stellar senior citizens enrich their surroundings with these freshly forged heavier atomic elements. This is because they blast these elements out into the space between stars where they can be incorporated into younger stellar populations. The youngest generation of stars, of which our own Sun is a member, are classified as Population I stars. The oldest generation of stars, born in the ancient Universe, are designated Population III stars. Population II stars are very ancient, but not as ancient as Population III stars--and not nearly as young as our bouncy Population I Sun, and other stars of its youthful generation.

According to galaxy classification, spiral galaxies, like our Milky Way, are made up of a flat, rotating disk heavily populated by stars, gas, and dust. Spirals also contain a central collection of stellar inhabitants termed a bulge. The entire spiral galaxy is surrounded by a faint halo that also houses stars, many of which are denizens of globular clusters.

The first known globular cluster, now named M22, was discovered in 1665 by Johann Abraham Ihle (1627-1699?), an amateur astronomer from Germany. However, individual stars inhabiting globulars could not be resolved until the French astronomer Charles Messier (1730-1817) observed another globular, Named M4, in 1764. When the German-English astronomer William Herschel (1738-1822) began his comprehensive survey of the sky using large telescopes in 1782, there were 34 known globulars, and he discovered another 36. Herschel was also the first to resolve literally all of them into their component stars. He is credited with coining the term globular clusters in his Catalogue of a Second Thousand New Nebulae and Clusters of Stars published in 1789.

The number of known globulars inhabiting our Galaxy has continued to increase with the passage of time, reaching 83 in 1915, 93 in 1930, and 97 by 1947. A total of 152 globular clusters have now been discovered in our Milky Way, out of an estimated total of 180 give or take 20. These additional, still undiscovered globulars are believed to be veiled behind the obscuring gas and dust of our Galaxy.

Globulars Tell Their Ancient Secrets

Our Galaxy today is very different from the cloud of cold gas that it was born from billions of years ago. It is no longer a spherical mass composed mostly of hydrogen. While astronomers can't "stand back" and observe our Milky Way as a whole, they can peer out into intergalactic space and observe other galaxies which are thought to be similar to our own.

Even though it has long been understood that galaxies like ours are surrounded by hundreds of globulars, the question of how these spherical clusters formed in the first place remains one of the most intriguing mysteries in astrophysics. The astronomers from Liverpool and Heidelberg have now presented their new supercomputer simulations to solve this difficult question. To achieve this, the scientists used current models of globular cluster formation, and were aided in their efforts by using the state-of-the-art EAGLE simulation of galaxy birth. The project, entitled Modeling Star cluster population Assembly in Cosmological Simulations within EAGLE--or E-MOSAICS for short--shows how the changing conditions occurring within galaxies over the passage of 13 billion years influence the formation and evolution of their globulars.

For their new study, the astronomers began with the idea that globulars formed in the same way as new-born stellar clusters emerging from heavily gas-laden regions of nearby galaxies today. E-MOSAICS helped them test this theory on an observed population of globulars surrounding our Milky Way. "The simulations show that the first star clusters form just a few hundred million years after the Big Bang. In the billions of years that follow, they are joined by other globular clusters and ultimately concentrate around a large galaxy, arranged much like those around the Milky Way," explained Dr. Kruijssen in an April 6, 2018 University of Heidelberg Press Release. Dr. Kruijssen is research group leader at the Institute of Astronomical Computing at the Heidelberg University Center for Astronomy (ZAH).

Before this study, some unusual assumptions were needed to explain the mysterious origin of globular clusters. However, the new supercomputer simulations reveal an explanation that is completely natural by using familiar stellar formation physics, and then applying it to the conditions that existed in the primordial Universe. According to Dr. Pfeffer, the study's lead author, globulars are the inevitable outcome of intensive star formation when our Cosmos was young. Soon after the Big Bang birth of the Universe about 13.8 billion years ago, the clouds of gas floating around within galaxies were much denser than those in today's galaxies.

Dr. Kruijssen explained in the April 6, 2018 University of Heidelberg Press Release that "These dense clouds very efficiently fueled the formation of star clusters of up to a million stars. Some of them survived to become the globular clusters we observe today."

The astronomers are looking forward to using E-MOSAICS to reconstruct the formation history of galaxies based on the formation of primordial star clusters. In this way, they hope to gain a new understanding of the formation of our Milky Way Galaxy. The new results were published in the Monthly Notices of the Royal Astronomical Society.

Judith E. Braffman-Miller is a writer and astronomer whose articles have been published since 1981 in various newspapers, magazines, and journals. Although she has written on a variety of topics, she particularly loves writing about astronomy because it gives her the opportunity to communicate to others some of the many wonders of her field. Her first book, "Wisps, Ashes, and Smoke," will be published soon.

8 Of the Best UK Attractions You Must Visit With Your Family

By Rashika Jain

Travelling is the best way to be lost and found; all at the same time. Travel is a food to a few adventurers. The joy of measuring lengths of roads and exploring new destinations is incomparable to any activity.

Earth is a home to many beautiful places and lively adventures; it's just you who need to decide which way to move on to find the one you desire the most. From South America to North America, Asia to Africa and Europe to Oceania, there's so much to explore. Europe, being the home to the archaic monuments, buildings and culture has always attracted people from around the world.

Here are some great getaways of the UK you should pick up for your next holiday trip and give your family and friends an experience they can never forget.

Edinburgh:

Edinburgh, the hilly capital of Scotland, is perfect for various cultural pursuits in a family day out. From Edinburgh castle to the Calton Hill and Scottish national monument, Edinburgh has a treasure of tourist attractions satisfying the needs of all taste. Edinburgh has the minibus tour facility within the city that let your family hop on and off anytime anywhere to best explore the beautiful Edinburgh City.

Places to visit in Edinburgh: The Royal Mile, Camera Obscura and world of illusions, Holyrood Abbey, Art city of Scotland, Princess Street.

York:

The historical city of England, York can keep even the most travel freak person occupied for the whole week. York is mainly known for its castle since Roman emperors were crowned here but this beautiful city has much more to offer. Though Spring and summer are the busiest and most expensive duration, but there is never an off-season in York. You can enjoy traversing this beautiful city with a range of river tours including sightseeing, dinner and lunch options.

Places to visit in York: The Magnificent Minster, National Railway Museum, Clifford's tower, Shambles, Castle Howard.

Dorset:

Dorset must be on your list if you are travelling with children. If you are a nature admirer and want to get stunned by some amazing sea views, Dorset is certainly the best place to escape to for a few days. In this small county, you will get plenty of activities to try and some beaches to relax and play on. So give your family and children a sunny and cheerful trip to Dorset.

Places to visit in Dorset: Weymouth and Portland, Durdle Door, Sherborne Castle, Wareham Forest, Brownsea Island.

Glasgow:

Scotland's largest city, full of cultural heritage and green spaces has much more to offer. Situated on the banks of River Clyde, the industrial city Glasgow has transformed into a home of excellent museums, art galleries and cultural festivals. With easy to go public transportation service, you can enjoy roaming around the city and never get short of fun.

Places to visit in Glasgow: Glasgow Cathedral, The Tall ship, Riverside Museum, Glasgow Science Centre, Willow Tearooms, Sharmanka.

London:

England's capital city London is undoubted of rank one. One can not fail to be excited by its most amazing attractions. Get a mesmerising view of the city from contemporary London eye, observe the most precious treasure at British Museum, visit the historic Tower of London, meet a celebrity at Madame Tussauds and the list goes on.

The best thing about visiting London with family is that public transportation links are great. You can easily book your private [http://www.essex-minibus-hire.co.uk/]minibus hire London in advance and take a trip around London's most fabulous places.

Cornwall:

The UK's most popular tourist destination Cornwall has many adventurous things to do no matter what weather or time you are visiting the place. The land of Cornwall is a unique mixture of rugged cliffs, sandy beaches, stunning gardens, industrial heritage, amazing wildlife and some other award-winning attractions that make it an unbeatable holiday destination.

Places to visit in Cornwall: Botallack Mine, St. Loy, Porthcurno, Tresco Abbey Garden, Camel Estuary, Marazion, Port Eliot house and garden.

Devon:

Devon, the biggest county in South West England is considered as having the biggest number of attractions. There's plenty to choose from this to keep your family entertained for the whole day out. From playing on the golden sand and dipping into the bright blue sea to enjoying a rugged walk into the bursting town, Devon has a lot to have fun. Here you will find everything you want to do and even much more than that you never imagined.

Places to visit in Devon: Salcombe, Dartmoor, Tarka Trail, Exeter, Beer Beach, Exmoor, Totnes, Powderham Castle, Haldon Forest Park.

Manchester:

Manchester is well known as the second city of the UK and is the celebrated centre of arts, media and higher education. Trams and minibuses make it super easy to roam around the city which is even greater when you are travelling in a group. It's a great holiday destination for shopaholics, and you can have fun trying different amusing things like ghost hunting. Have fun with the astonishing Manchester nightlife.

Places to visit: The Police Museum, King Bee Records, FC United, Castlefield, John Rylands Library, Imperial war museum north, Town Hall.

The list is almost endless. There are s many places to explore in and around the UK and the best part is: you will never get bored of it.